


Dreams of what can be

by Alex_Wings_of_freedom



Series: the unconsious desires [1]
Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Levi, Ehhhh, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, be kind qwq, hehe, i have no idea what im doingg, im new at this stuff~, levi is bad with words
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:53:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_Wings_of_freedom/pseuds/Alex_Wings_of_freedom
Summary: "Levi saw you step into the clearing, clearly excited with yourself"You and Levi had known each other for quite a couple of years, as you had enrolled for the scouts just three years after Levi, and you were maybe a year younger than Hange. Hange had essentially adopted you, and the two of you had become quite close, and they had eventually started to drag you along to meetups with Levi and Erwin. You and Levi had become close, but Levi was too scared to confess his feelings for you, scared of ruining what the two of you had.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi/Reader
Series: the unconsious desires [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129595
Kudos: 13





	1. Under the waterfall

**Author's Note:**

> So. Here I am. After lurking in the dark around here for nearly two years, I finally decided to start writing my own fanfictions.  
> So please keep in mind that it's a first timer for me ^^  
> There will be smut, but it might take a while as I want to let the relationship between Levi and reader develop at least a bit, and I'll have to practice a bit, as I've never written smut before. ( I've read a lot, though, so that migh come in handy ;) )  
> Comments, kudos and constructive critisism would be much appreciated~  
> and I ehh... Idk, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it?

Levi let out a deep breath as he felt his muscles relax in the cool water. It was a pure coincidence that he had found the spring, close to their current hideout, with a soft waterfall clattering down. If only he had the confidence to ask you with. You had known each other for quite a couple of years, as you had enrolled for the scouts just three years after Levi, and you were maybe a year younger than Hange. Hange had essentially adopted you, and the two of you had become quite close, and they had eventually started to drag you along to meetups with Levi and Erwin. You and Levi had become close, but Levi was too scared to confess his feelings for you, scared of ruining what the two of you had.

Suddenly Levi heard rustling in the bushes, and he retreated behind some rock formations, not wanting to be seen. To his surprise, you stepped into the clearing, clearly excited with yourself. You tested the water with your foot, and you squeeled as you discovered it was a temperature you liked. You checked that no one else was around ( or so you thought). And you took your clothes off, and Levi felt how his face got hot. You hummed and dove into the water. Levi tried to calm his breathing, and to keep hidden. He looked from behind the rocks as you waded towards the waterfall, water coming to just above your abdomen, and Levi admired the way your locks complimented your body, clinging to just the right places. Your breasts were just hidden by your hair. You stepped under the waterfall, and softly began singing to yourself. Levi felt how he melted even further for you, for he had never heard such an angelic melody come from a humans mouth.

You suddenly stopped singing, as you heard the bushes rustling again. Levi looked in annoyance, and to his surprise Eren showed up.  
"{first}? What are you doing here?" Eren asked, as he stepped into the water.  
"Eren?! Get out!" you yelled at him.  
"And what if I don't?" Eren said with a smirk."Admit it, {first}. You've been wanting me, a strong man, to give you the attention you deserve. You're too pretty to be single, you know?"  
You saw the way Eren looked at you, and you suddenly felt scared. You tried to think of something, anything to get away from him, but nothing came to mind. You were trapped under the waterfall, with Eren slowly coming closer. 

Levi looked from behind his rocks and saw Eren wading up to you. Levi felt the panic rising in his chest, and he did the only logical thing that came to mind. He dove out from his hiding place, muscles moving smoothly under his skin. He started to swim towards you and Eren, calling out  
"{first}! There you are, I finally found you!"  
You looked at Levi in confusion, but you noted that Eren had stopped in his tracks to look at Levi. You tried to play along, but you were not able to form any sentences, and you shot Levi a helpless look.  
"You did well, it took me way longer to find you this round."Levi said to you as he stood up beside you, looping his arm around your waist. Discreetly trying to shove you behind his back, to shield you from Eren's eyes. He pretended to only notice Eren now.  
"And what are you looking at, brat? Can't my girlfriend and I enjoy a game of hide and seek in our free time?" Levi's heart beat like crazy, and he was scared that you would hear it, but he kept his outwardly bored expression on his face.  
Eren didn't look convinced, but he also didn't look too sure of himself anymore. you leaned into Levi's embrace, thankful for him rescuing you, and frankly, to feel his naked skin against yours. Despite the situation, you couldn't resist a chance to feel Levi against you. You had loved him for a long time, but you were convinced that he'd never feel the same way about you.  
You noticed the way his breathing hitched in the slightest, and you kept that in the back of your mind, to think about later.  
"No sir, it's just that... I erm-" Eren tried to say  
"Tch. Speak up, brat."Levi cooly said.  
"It's just that I've never seen the two of you together like this, and to be honest, {first} has been sending me so many signals the last couple of weeks." Eren said, satisfaction and newfound confidence shining in his eyes. He looked like he was determined Levi would believe him. He looked satisfied with himself, coming up with such a good lie.  
"Is that so?" Levi put his hand under your chin, and slightly forced you to look at him. You looked into his steel eyes, and you felt scared, in a way. If you ruined this, the consequences could be dangerous.  
"W-What? No, of course not, Levi!" You played along, trusting that Levi would help you.  
Levi made a humming sound in his throat. "I'm not sure I can believe you. What kind of 'signals' has she been sending you, Yeager?"He looked at Eren again.  
Eren smirked confidently."She has been looking at me, giving those looks, sir. She also kept touching me, and smiling seductively, sir. What might be worth mentioning, she has kissed me as well. Should I continue?"

Levi scoffed inwardly to himself, disgusted that Eren talked about you like you were an object. 

Levi turned you, so that you were directly facing him, but shoved in such a position that Levi his back blocked you from Eren's view  
"And how did she do that, cadet? Like this?" Levi gave you a look asking for permission, and you gave an ever so slight nod. He shot you a wink and started rubbing your upper arms. You felt your face flame up. He pressed his upper body to yours, and pressed his lips ever so slightly on yours. You gasped, and you felt Levi smile softly against your lips. You closed your eyes and flung your arms around Levi's shoulders, and his arms circled your waist, and you felt his erection pressing against your thigh. You forgot all about Eren, and tried to deepen the kiss, but Levi pulled back. 

You opened your eyes looked back at Eren over Levi's shoulder, and you saw he stood there dumbfounded. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and he seemed to give up. It was clear for him that he had lost. He turned around, and waded out of the water, without looking back.  
Levi stared at him and did not even look at you until he was sure that Eren was out of hearing range.  
He thought to himself about how he'd kill that pathetic excuse of a human being, but then he noticed your soft squeek as he unconsiously pressed you closer against him.  
His eyes shot back at you.  
"I am so sorry this happened- {first}, I'm sorry- I- I promise I wasn't spying on you, I just- I was here and I heard someone approach so I hid and I- Oh God, please forgive me, I didn't mean to- to kiss you, but I got carried away- I-"  
Levi started rambling, trying to explain himself. Hoping to restore any damage he had done. And in his panic, he tried to let go of you.

You gently touched his face, and his frantic apologizing stopped."Levi. Listen. You saved me, you really did. I don't know what would've happened if you weren't there. And I-"  
You started to struggle with your words and you softly muttered under your breath 'And I'd certainly not mind another kiss'  
Levi looked up at your words.  
"What?" He softly asked. "What- Did you just say"  
You looked away. Feeling how blush crept up on your cheeks.  
"Nothing."  
Levi softly grabbed your chin, and looked into your eyes, pupils blown with lust.


	2. Over a cup of tea...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've left Levi at the waterfall, and you feel horrible for it. After you can't sleep, you decide to go to the kitchen for a cup of tea. And guess who, of all people showed up as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this time a bit of a shorter chapter. Or at least, that is what it feels like for me. I'm still struggling to get the hang of writing fiction, but I feel like it's coming along nicely.  
> Also, yes, I wrote Hange as they/them. It is cannon in the manga, and I interpret it as they/them as well. Don't like it? Not really my problem, hun :))  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter :D  
> constructive critisism, kudos and the usual stuff would be much appreciated <3  
> \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Levi- Please. No.” You said in a soft voice. You tried to avert your eyes, and you softly pushed against his chest. Levi let go immediately and took back a step, and you almost winced physically at the uncertainty in his eyes. You resisted the urge to get back into his arms, and assure him he did nothing wrong. You didn’t want to get caught, and you wanted to build... this, at least a bit slower up. You still weren't sure yet of what this was becoming. And if you’d stay here, you weren’t sure that the going slow part would stand much longer. You quickly got out of the water, and got back to the hideout. 

Levi looked at your quick department. He sighed, and sat down on one of the rocks. He felt so angry at himself, in all honesty. He was sure he had fucked it up, ruined what the two of you had. Sure of himself that he scared you away.  
He stared at the water rippling in front of him, and he felt how the tears started to form in his eyes.  
He had always hated crying, it made him feel weak.  
He bowed his head, and looked at how the tears fell into the water, mixing with the millions of other droplets. 

“He did WHAT???” Hange screeched. You tried to cover your ears for their frantic screeching.  
“Hange! Calm down!” You tried to calm them, before someone heard the two of you.  
“Oh right, sorry,{First}” Hange said apologetically, lowering their voice a bit. You were in Hange’s office, needing to share your experience with someone, and you trusted Hange more than anyone.  
“But shorty. He really did that? I can’t believe this! This is new data, I need to write it down- It’s an interesting finding, indeed. I think- hmmmpf- I can’t interview him about this experience, so I just gotta-“ Hange started rambling to themself.  
You blinked once. It wasn’t that you didn’t expect them to react the way they did, but it was still… unusual at moments.  
You stood up again and started to pace around their office again.  
“What should I do, Hange. I’m not sure anymore. I didn’t think Levi would care about me in this way, but he does.” You sighed, and looked outside. To your surprise it was already late, later than you anticipated. You said your goodbyes to Hange. They didn't even notice, as they were rambling on about how fascinating this is. You left to get some sleep. You walked through the halls of one of the many abandoned castles. It was comfortable, sure, but you still preferred the Headquarters of the scouts, back in Trost.

After a while of tossing and turning, thinking over what happened, you decided to get a cup of tea. You stood up and put on the first article of clothing you found, a white nightdress, reaching your ankles, and you decided against shoes. It was a warm summer night, after all. You padded barefoot through the long halls, until you reached the kitchen.  
After you put the kettle with water on the fire, you stood in front of one of the cabinets, trying to reach your favourite mug that had been placed at the utmost back. You’d be willing to bet it was Jean who did it again. You stood on your absolute tiptoes, and you managed to slightly tap it. You huffed in annoyance. 

You were so focused you didn’t notice Levi, who was standing in the doorway, with an adored smile on his face.  
He couldn’t help but think to himself how cute you were, so focused on getting your mug.  
He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. 

You decided you couldn’t reach it, and you went to get one of the chairs standing in one of the corners. You walked right past Levi.  
He took a defending step back, but you somehow, still hadn’t noticed him.  
You put the chair in front of the cabinet, and chuckled with glee as you finally managed to reach your favourite mug.  
You turned around, mug clasped in both of your hands. You yelped as you suddenly saw Levi, and you felt how you lost your balance.  
“{first}” Levi exclaimed while he rushed forward to catch you  
“fuck!” You exclaimed.  
He managed to catch you at the last moment, and he put you down safely on the ground.  
“Jesus, {first}! You scared the living shit out of me! Are- are you all right?” He asked with concern in his eyes. He looked at you a moment longer, before he realised he still held you by the waist, to stabilize you. He pulled his hands back with a jerk, and took a step backwards, to give you space, with a light blush spreading across his cheeks.  
“Yes, yes, I’m fine, thanks to you.” You smiled at him. “And you also saved my mug! How could I ever repay you?” You said with a silly grin spread across your face. “I could make you some tea, if you’d like?”  
Levi just looked at you for a moment, and slightly nodded.  
“S-sure, I guess.”

After you got another mug from the cabinet, you took the kettle with boiling water from the fire, and you poured the both of you some tea. You both sat down at the table.  
“Levi. Listen, about today-“ You tried to start the conversation.  
“Oh. Yeah, no it- erm- it won’t happen again, I promise. I’m so very sorry, I didn’t” you cut him off.  
“No. It’s- It’s not like that. You saved me. Levi. And- and to be honest- I’d choose you. Always.“ You started to struggle with you words, and you felt a blush creeping up your cheeks again. You took a deep breath, and tried to look Levi in the eye again. His scared, but hopeful face felt like a hit to the face. You felt so guilty about leaving him at the waterfall. You gently laid your hand on top of his.  
Levi looked into your eyes, and you saw the raw emotions you felt reflected in his eyes. 

You suddenly heard a loud crash, and you turned your head in shock. Hange came bouncing around the corner.  
“Sorry! Got a bit clumsy, you know how it is!” They said awfully chipper. You realized that Hange had probably heard all of what happened in the kitchen, and you felt your face get even hotter.  
“Shitty-glasses.Out.Now.” Levi said through clenched teeth. Hange simply smiled at him, and continued rummaging through one of the drawers, looking for something.  
‘Hange! Please! Get.Out’ You screamed in your head. You know that Levi probably felt exposed, and you didn’t want him to get scared off by Hange, no matter how sweet they always were, they needed to get out. Right now. 

You felt Levi pulling his hand out from under yours, and you looked at him, eyebrows furrowed in a worried expression. Levi stood up, and said with a flat voice “Thanks for the tea, {first}.” He quickly left the kitchen, leaving you and Hange alone. 

As Levi walked towards his quarters, still hot tea in his hand, he inwardly cursed at Hange. If they hadn’t come in… Who knows what might’ve happened. He felt like an idiot for leaving, but he had gotten too nervous with Hange interrupting this special moment. They had ruined the sphere, and it was beyond Levi how he could’ve restored it.  
He muttered softly, as he went into his quarters. He sat down in his chair, and tried to calm himself down.  
‘Just think of the right way to approach this situation. It’s the same concept as killing a titan, right? Observe situation, make an analysis, and go for it? No, no of course not, you idiot! This is supposed to be romantic… But how? How do I show {first} how much I love her? Without scaring her off? I don’t know’ Levi thought to himself.  
He sank deeper into his chair, knowing that sleep won’t be on the schedule for tonight…


	3. Through the tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was one hell of a whirlwind to write! I also apologise for not posting this chapter sooner, but I walked against a bit of a writers block...  
> I did really try to write this chapter to the best of my ability, and boi, did it hurt.  
> It was really hard to try and convey the deep emotions everyone feels, but I think I did a pretty good job.  
> I hope you enjoy it ^^  
> \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following day you kept stealing glances at Levi. He hadn’t looked at you once, and didn’t say the usual good morning. You tried to keep your mind at the training, but you noticed soon enough that it didn’t work, as you felt the air being pushed out of your lungs due to Hange sweeping your legs out from under you.  
“C’mon, Little one, keep your head in the game! Normally even I don’t get to floor you, and this was the fourth time today!” they said.  
“Sorry, Hange. I’m just…” You mumbled.  
“Is it because of what happened yesterday? No wait, never mind, don’t answer that. We have to train now, before Erwin chops our heads off.” Hange said with a grin. You simply nodded and took on your usual stance again. Hands in a fist next to your face, a bit bowed at the knee, and ready to be on either the defending or attacking side. Hange tried to throw the first punch, but you used their momentum against them, and tried to fling them on the ground.  
Hange managed to recover, and turned around again. Before they got a chance to do anything, you were up close to them, and you punched them in the stomach. You heard a small huff of air escaping Hange’s mouth, before they managed to take a step back and throw a counter attack.  
You continued this for a while, until you heard the bells ring, signalling lunch.  
After you got your plate, you went to sit down with Hange, Levi and Erwin. But as you sat down, you saw Levi taking one swift look at you, before he stood up from the table and quickly walked away. You felt a shot of hurt panging through you, before you looked at Hange and Erwin with a big question mark in your eyes. They just shrugged, and went back to eating their lunch.  
You looked at Levi’s plate, and you saw that the food was untouched, which made you even more confused. During the entire lunch you kept wondering to yourself if you had done something wrong. 

Levi tried to walk as fast as he could, trying not to act stupid. He wasn’t sure of himself anymore, and the late night pondering hadn’t helped it.  
He reached his favourite spot to think, just outside of the training camp, near the trees. He climbed up his tree, and sat on one of the branches. High enough that no one can see him between the leaves, but low enough to safely jump out of.  
He tried to take deep breath to calm himself down, but his heart kept pounding when he looked at you, and relived the encounters of yesterday.  
He wanted to love you. No. Show you that he loved you, but he was so scared to lose you. He had seen it too many times, that he opened up, thinking that he had found his family, only to see them eaten, or torn apart, or die in many other cruel ways, right before his eyes. He had seen it happen with you too many times in his nightmares, but he was too scared that it’d happen in the waking world one day too.  
He heard one of the bells ring again, reminding him of the duties of today that needed to be finished. 

The rest of the afternoon was ODM-gear training, and you were looking rather forward to it. Even though most of your companions only saw the equipment as necessary, you enjoyed it thoroughly, flying through the air, feeling a breeze on your face. You always felt like the worries were blowing away.  
After checking if your equipment was fully functional, and attached correctly to you, you took off into the forest, Hange close behind you.  
Usually it’d be the four of you gliding through the air, but Levi had taken off, and after a brief discussion, Erwin went after him.  
You softly hummed a tune you heard in the city once, when you were at the market with Levi, while you were soaring through the sky. And you tried to ignore Hange, who kept calling your name, wanting to talk about what is going on between you and Levi.  
After ignoring it for as long as possible, you landed gracefully on a tree, and waited until Hange landed as well, a bit out of breath.  
“{first}, please! What is going on between you and shorty? I’ve pretty much never seen him this agitated. He has never evaded someone this much, and I’m counting the time that Olou tried to figure out Levi’s sleeping position-“  
You softly giggled at this.  
“I can imagine Olou doing that. But truth to be told, I don’t know why he avoids me. I think I did something wrong, but I’m not sure- Oh Hange, how could I fix this?” You sighed in exasperation.  
Hange took off their goggles to stare at you. “You are asking me? Of all people? Sweetheart, I’m afraid I can’t help you with this. I have no clue how to handle this sort of thing. Questions about titans, or human behaviour patterns are the furthest I can help you with. And you know this. You’re always welcome to ask me for advice, but it’d probably won’t help you a lot.” They hummed as they sat down on the branch. “Maybe Erwin can help reflect new light on this, as he’s with Shorty right now, but I can’t be certain of that either.”  
You sat down next to them, leaning your head on their shoulder.  
“I simply don’t know what to do anymore, Hange. I thought he felt the same way as I, but with what happened today…”  
Hange softly patted you on the head, and the two of you continued to sit like this for a while. 

Levi swooshed through the forest, just trying to get his head clear. You wouldn’t leave his thoughts for more than five minutes, and Levi tried so desperately to think of anything, anyone else than you.  
He heard Erwin behind him. But he couldn’t bring up the feeling to care. He just wanted to clear his head. So he took a deep sigh, and continued flying through the trees.  
“Levi!” He heard that Erwin was right behind him now, but Levi didn’t take back any speed.  
He heard how Erwin continued to chase him, but after a while he finally stopped.  
Levi landed in one of the trees, and continued to sit there for the entire afternoon, deep in thought.

At dinner, you noticed that Levi wasn’t there, but you decided to not say anything. You noticed that Hange and Erwin kept whispering, and exchanging worried looks in your direction, and Levi’s empty seat.  
This continued for a couple of weeks, and it started to affect you.  
Hange looked at you during breakfast one day, and said in a worried tone “{first}. Are you okay? You look like you haven’t slept in weeks, and you haven’t been eating enough. Erwin and I are worried about you.”  
“I’m fine, Hange, really. I’ve just been feeling a bit stressed, but it’ll pass. I’m sure of it.” You said with a half-smile on your face. 

In reality, you wanted to cry. Levi hadn’t spoken to you since that night, and you were worried sick about what was going on with him, and you couldn’t help but ponder on what you could have done for things to turn out like this.  
You saw Levi every day, too, but he just kept on running away, or ignoring you. 

You dragged yourself through another day. And another, and another. 

And when there was another night where you simply couldn’t sleep, you decided to get a cup of tea. You padded to the kitchen, and got everything ready.  
You weren’t really paying attention when picking out the flavour, and you accidentally took one of Levi’s teabags.  
You hadn’t realized your mistake after you had sat down, and started to let the teabag soak in the water, and started to smell it.  
You noticed the smell you associated dearly with Levi, and you looked up, feeling hope. It was when you saw the empty doorway that you broke down.  
You held your head in your hands as you cried, scared and sad for your future. Scared that your friendship with Levi had ended, unable to salvage it.  
You felt how the sobs tore through your body, but you couldn’t do anything to stop it.  
Levi was taking a walk again, unable to sleep. He hadn’t spoken to anyone, and he just felt tired. He wanted to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, he would see you, with a sad expression on your face, and Levi would feel overwhelmed with guilt.  
He had almost finished his round, when he heard someone sobbing in the kitchen. He figured it’d be another cadet that had broken up, and felt too sorry for themselves to go to sleep. He already stood in the doorway, preparing to tell them off, before he noticed it was you.  
He was about to leave, when he heard you mumble his name. He stood frozen in the doorway. 

“Levi. Oh, Levi why would you do this. I want- I just want to know what I did wrong, to deserve this. I only ask one thing. I just want to love you. I don’t even deserve that. What- where did I go wrong?” You softly said between your sobs.  
Levi thought that you had seen him, but you didn’t, and you continued to speak to yourself in a broken voice.  
“What have I ever done, to deserve all this. I don’t know. I simply don’t know anymore. I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now, but still. What could I have done? What has been so horrible an act to deserve this punishment? I just want to show people my love. To help them get their land back, to claim that what has been stolen. Is that too much to ask?”  
“{first}.” Levi softly said.

You looked up in shock, trying to wipe your tears as fast as possible.  
“Levi! I- I ehm- Sorry, I was just about to leave.” You said as you started to get up, before realization hit you.  
“Wait. How long have you been here for? Did you?- Did- No. Never mind. I just-“ 

“{first}. Please- I- I am sorry. I am so sorry for letting you feel this way. It was never my intention to hurt you like this. But I-“ Levi tried to explain, but he fell silent as he looked into your eyes.  
Levi looked at you, as you stood there, hugging yourself, with your face still wet from the tears, and new ones forming again.  
He tried to take a deep breath to steady himself, and to bring up the courage to tell you. He looked at you again, and spread his arms. You looked at him for one second, and dove into his embrace, your entire frame shaking.  
Levi tried to start again.  
“I was just. So scared, and I’m so sorry for letting you endure this pain, simply because I was too much of a coward to- to tell you everything. To risk losing you by showing my weak side. But I lost you in a different way because of it. And I am so. So sorry for letting this happen. But it’s just… Everyone I’ve ever loved has gotten hurt, or killed. And I- I simply care so much about you, and I’m so scared of letting you get killed.” He said softly, while he felt the tears finally letting go, and falling on your shoulder.  
After standing there for a long while, you pulled back, and you looked into his eyes. You saw guilt, fear and love mixed. You raised your hand, and softly touched his cheek, and he leaned into the touch.

“Everything is all right now. I promise.” You said with a shaking voice. You looked each other in the eye, and you gently pressed a soft kiss against each other’s lips.


End file.
